Alive i suppose, kicking yeah.
I sit here on my couch i have some homework to due, i need to read a chapter by tomorrow, and another by Friday. don't know how much of that i will get done, i get by, I can bullshit, iv had 4 years of practice. Tired eyes kinda hurt. Have work in 90 minutes wait 89.
I will surely be late, of course. I think i will read some of that chapter soon, maybe after a song or two of guitar hero. Still dont know how to fix life, there is no fix i suppose, i have no fix, to broken, i need one of those out of order sign's so i wont have to bother people.
So I just read some accounting, i kinda skimmed it, but i will remember it when we go over it in class, its just basically recording sales like, i payed 800 dollars for an item, you record sales, and lost of inventory, then you record cost of goods sold, so you know how much you made, Accounting is alot of recording constantly, its boring but its not to bad. i wish i had the class online rather, i dont like going to school, not Ccac that is, there's no heart in it people there seem sad and misreable, im happy im learning, well that's the only class im learning, Well thats not true, i am learning in English Comp 101, my writing skills are getting tested. I like to write i wish i could write stories like other's i know and entertain, its a good feeling i bet, to have somone read your content and enjoy, it or learn from it.
I Have work now in 42 minutes, i think i might go in on time rather, and try to make myself better, i want to join a gym, somewhere and work out once a week just to get into better shape, i dont want huge muscle i want to be just have less body fat, dont we all i suppose.
I write in circle's all the time but i understand it, and that's all this is for is me. and of course whom ever wants to read which is only me, an i think allie has read it because she posted on joe's blog which i follow so im sure's she's found it, im not stupid i know how she's writes. Or maybe she is respecting my privacy, or whatever value you would like to call it, the internet net is never private, there is so many ways in. I like to think i know a good bit about computers, but i dont, i mean i know more then common person, but im no genious, i can help you do some stuff, but i really dont know all there is to knoww.
I wonder what Joe is doing, hes away, hes good to talk to keep's , me up, i think we do that for eachother, call eachother when needed for an ear, or someone to ramble at, and we both need eachother, well we dont need eachother, just that someone and Joe's that someone i don tknow how i am to him, but it doesnt matter. Friends are friends. Some friends are temprary, and they think they are you friends but your just putting up with their shit. Hopefully that friend im speaking of will get his head out of his and do something, rather then saying how he find this, or no one will help him. Starts with a Big T, <--that's him but plus two letters. I guess im not really being subliminal enough but I honeslty dont care.
I talk to my self alot, because thats how you get the best answer's, really and then, you can get the wrong answer's, Really. You can. You can tell your self to do the dumbest shit in the world, and most likely you will believe your self. If this was not the case the world would be a better place, if we would listen to some things that we tell our self. Self esteem has alot to play in that, and i dont want to get in that.
We can all relate somehow no matter what it is, may it be we all hate work, or we all are just unhappy with our point in life, or maybe we dont know what we want, but we can do it together right?
I dont like people as a whole, but there are many out there who believe in good, and have morals. then you have some who have none, either raised that way, or adapted to whoever they are. You dont learn everything from your parents a person is a product of everyone around them. Everyone takes part in raising a person, because you are exposed to such in influx of shit, it creats the fucked up thing we call human. the world, the weather, it changes people, it changes them for good, not just for a while. Every little choice in life, changes things, Regretting should nto exist, because it is already done, regrett is just a type of pondering that is unneeded, i mean ok, so say i make a choice to do something. it's done, yes you can change it, but saying fuck i shouldent of done that and shoot your self in the foot, just does you wrong. live life without regret. Then you can live i think.
"Its only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. "
If you have nothing to lose you can do anything right? I kind of agree, you are free do whatever you want anytime, any place anywhere but there are consequences that wiegh in, on any choice. You have to choose no one else.
The blue or the Red? Y/N?
Which one do you choose? I choose the REd one GO!
I want to live, but i dont know how, i have been in a house all my life going to school, playing petty games in the yard with friends, then you get to be an adult. Then your working all your life.
I had a recent Conversation and a problem with my other half a bit ago.
We both want kids, but the thing is when. I dont want kidns until im alteast 25 or older, and she wants the same age, but guess what she is 4 years older, so her 25 is my 21, and that is just going to happen. Maybe we can come to an agreement. I think children are the middle of your life thing, and if you expect to die at 50 you wont live a great life, you have to not think of when, just think of now, she wants to be a mother, she needs to explore before she can take care of another life, I will do that for her. I will help.
I will make sure she see's the world, we can do it together, anyone can come, but i will see the world. I honestly dont care who reads this because if they read it maybe they will understand or maybe they will be like that kid is wacky and dreams to much. Honeslty I do not give a fuck of what anyone thinks. You can read anything you want, you can speak, say see, do whatever.
Fuck if i care right?
So many words to type and not enough time in life to do it. I can type for hours, and and hours about nothing. And get a few points across int he process.
School agian Go!
I want to go to college, well i am in coolege, or baby college i like to call it. I registered for summer classes, but i dont know if i want to take them I am in no rush to get school done, i have my whole lief to do so, why am i going to rush to get to that 9-5 job and be stuck, i want to explore and go to school but i am in no hurry i think i will constantly take school for a couple years, Its an experiance to learn from. Socially, and otherwise.
I do not want to go to work.
All work and some play, makes me a dull boy, well no play really.
I will play a game of halo and bid the internet of my laptop bye for a while..
Cheers Internet.
http://www.evilmilk.com/pictures/Ima_Abee.htm
WIll
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Angry.
I am seeping back into angry again i think i need to blog, i have no relief, nor does my other half, we both neck at neck with each other even with our little to no time off. We are alone, one in one room one in the other. Sad, broken, lost not knowing where to turn. We are both broken in so many pieces of pieces. No where to turn, every way leads to exhaustion what do we do oh mighty one?
How am i to fix an equal to myself? A workoholic, an angry soul, murky eyes filled with hate what do i do? What do they do? Who knows we will find a soulution we always do. Were perfect, so perfect its wrong. Or so wrong its perfect, i have yet to know and if you ever read this, dont take it wrong. We feel the same way about many things, then we feel not so much about the same things. We are human, we do that, as a whole, we dont agree right? It's like a mirror huh? You see how it feels dont you? I sat alone saying no to all the offer's to do things, it is no my fault you have nothing to go to, or no one, because anyone who has an interest in you likes you and wants in your pants. So I cant control the way life works, and im not playing the games anymore. I do it too, but im done. Just because i miss you once or miss a call, dont get upset. Shit happens, i cant control it. honestly if you think i was avoiding you why would i go out of my way to see you, or call you back? Ill never understand half the things you do, but i still love them. Just somtimes
I agree, and follow the steps you lay, but they always backfire.
I dont feel like i need to exist anymore, i bring misery upon who i seek to be around, Sorry world, the princess is always in another castle i know, i can neverw in, no matter how much good i do or try, its impossible, me going anywhere sorry i dont invite you, sorry im horrible, i dont have a choice somtimes, work gets in the way, its horrible i know. Saturday no work, fyck, sunday wait yeah sunday day we do something maybe ill ask joe what to do, he might know how to just do something fun with my other half, Sorry world again really. Your my glue you really are, i mean that other wise id be in peices somewhere in some college dorm broken and beaten of shame. I dont like my life, im tired of working for the goal of more work in the future. I do want to live and experiance things, i want to out and learn and see things, but you can be there too, leaving you behind is not an option i have to pick you up somehow, i dont have on e of those quicker picker fuck uper's right now, im out of emotional points to buy one. I wish i could gain some really. tick tocki hear you going to the bathroom ^_^. You drive me insane, with love and then im agrravated, im bipolar, adhd, and most likely going to be retarted soon, anger kills brain cells i think. The stress i put my body threw is going to kill me, No its not working 20 hours a day, its working 14, and the emotional shit that comes along with it, balencing b's in college because i dont have the emph to put forth, because i have no motivation, i have no goal that i see, i want to fall and explore.
I want yout o go with me We 22, and 18 year's old thats young as shit, your my bonnie, i never wanted to use that but you are. WE have to live, and make it for our own, i want that job, that 9-5 or alteast a set schedule the summer will bring us up alot, we can survive through shit like rubber, withstanding and enduring we already have.
I wanna go and jump of the cathedral and be free, i dont want recognition, i dont want glory, i want my own possesions are tempory pride, earning an item, but its not nearly enough to satisfy me, Im greedy, ready to take in what i can get, i want to breath many breaths, and see many lands, i want to do, and see.
So do you, your destrot from your life, and so am i. I dont get it, i never will i will neve rundrastnad that bond between a woman and her offspring, maybe when im a fater, but not until im atleast 30 or atleast 28 sorry, im living first. I hope that doesnt bother you, but once we get your schedule set and mine, were going, i will push you hard, and you will fall with me well jump together, i would die for you with you, just to be free. Im not afriad see? You just have to see. You will. Thanks.
I want you to read this but i dont, because i want to do it before you read it, i want to show you im true, i am that person who can still carry you on my shoulder's.
eh sleep time.,
How am i to fix an equal to myself? A workoholic, an angry soul, murky eyes filled with hate what do i do? What do they do? Who knows we will find a soulution we always do. Were perfect, so perfect its wrong. Or so wrong its perfect, i have yet to know and if you ever read this, dont take it wrong. We feel the same way about many things, then we feel not so much about the same things. We are human, we do that, as a whole, we dont agree right? It's like a mirror huh? You see how it feels dont you? I sat alone saying no to all the offer's to do things, it is no my fault you have nothing to go to, or no one, because anyone who has an interest in you likes you and wants in your pants. So I cant control the way life works, and im not playing the games anymore. I do it too, but im done. Just because i miss you once or miss a call, dont get upset. Shit happens, i cant control it. honestly if you think i was avoiding you why would i go out of my way to see you, or call you back? Ill never understand half the things you do, but i still love them. Just somtimes
I agree, and follow the steps you lay, but they always backfire.
I dont feel like i need to exist anymore, i bring misery upon who i seek to be around, Sorry world, the princess is always in another castle i know, i can neverw in, no matter how much good i do or try, its impossible, me going anywhere sorry i dont invite you, sorry im horrible, i dont have a choice somtimes, work gets in the way, its horrible i know. Saturday no work, fyck, sunday wait yeah sunday day we do something maybe ill ask joe what to do, he might know how to just do something fun with my other half, Sorry world again really. Your my glue you really are, i mean that other wise id be in peices somewhere in some college dorm broken and beaten of shame. I dont like my life, im tired of working for the goal of more work in the future. I do want to live and experiance things, i want to out and learn and see things, but you can be there too, leaving you behind is not an option i have to pick you up somehow, i dont have on e of those quicker picker fuck uper's right now, im out of emotional points to buy one. I wish i could gain some really. tick tocki hear you going to the bathroom ^_^. You drive me insane, with love and then im agrravated, im bipolar, adhd, and most likely going to be retarted soon, anger kills brain cells i think. The stress i put my body threw is going to kill me, No its not working 20 hours a day, its working 14, and the emotional shit that comes along with it, balencing b's in college because i dont have the emph to put forth, because i have no motivation, i have no goal that i see, i want to fall and explore.
I want yout o go with me We 22, and 18 year's old thats young as shit, your my bonnie, i never wanted to use that but you are. WE have to live, and make it for our own, i want that job, that 9-5 or alteast a set schedule the summer will bring us up alot, we can survive through shit like rubber, withstanding and enduring we already have.
I wanna go and jump of the cathedral and be free, i dont want recognition, i dont want glory, i want my own possesions are tempory pride, earning an item, but its not nearly enough to satisfy me, Im greedy, ready to take in what i can get, i want to breath many breaths, and see many lands, i want to do, and see.
So do you, your destrot from your life, and so am i. I dont get it, i never will i will neve rundrastnad that bond between a woman and her offspring, maybe when im a fater, but not until im atleast 30 or atleast 28 sorry, im living first. I hope that doesnt bother you, but once we get your schedule set and mine, were going, i will push you hard, and you will fall with me well jump together, i would die for you with you, just to be free. Im not afriad see? You just have to see. You will. Thanks.
I want you to read this but i dont, because i want to do it before you read it, i want to show you im true, i am that person who can still carry you on my shoulder's.
eh sleep time.,
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
WEwT
So, The steelers won the super bowl thats pretty cool, i worked through it kinda, i got payed to watch some of the game, and i worked around the other, but over all it was ok. I think the cardinals did awesome but to no avail lost. ANYWAY, so i went to joe's today and we chilled and drank 3 redbull's and they did nothing, i think we need to drink some more. Had some fun we watched some junk and relaxed and talked you know. And as i left the sun was setting over oakland and it was pretty cool looking it gave me a weird feeling, sick nostalgic and really young at the same time, i did not get it, but i felt it.
I have yet to figure out what i honestly want in life, i mean of course i want to aspire in a good school, and do great and make people proud, but what i want is a different story, i want to be happy and work on my anger issues, and stuff. Me being happy is what i dont really know. I love allie and we fight but i love her other wise i would not go across the country and go through hell to keep her, so yeah im sure i love her. I really hope she can function in life to benifiet herself and not just work for others, i know what it means i dont know if she does, im learning with help that you are your only help over all, there are some assist but you are your only help because really your your own person, you are not someone else. So i hope we can both get what we want and hopefully its together. For me like i said i want to be happy and enjoy waking up and be able to get some sleep or something. And maybe have a car to get me around, so i dont have to ride the bus and i can pick people up and stuff, that way i wont have to worry about getting home after working i wont be restricted. I could drive to school and be there in 5 instead of taking an hour to get there with buses. I enjoy walking i have learned this because i just feel better after i do it, i have to motivate allie to do it with me, so she can be happy with herself. She often says she not happy with the way she looks, even though i think she is beutiful she has to live with herself so ill help her get where she wants to get.
I digress, i always want to say that but never have the context to do so. So i have this english class and im horrible with english, Man. Yeah. I really am, i cant think straight to understand what im reading half the time, because i cant pay attention unless it constantly grabbing my attention which only a couple book's i have read have done. GODAM IT, i should read joe's book sometime soon, i gotta print that shit out. Anyway im going to relax and watch family guy because its on, and im here yo know?
Peace nigga.
ITS OVER 9000~!
I have yet to figure out what i honestly want in life, i mean of course i want to aspire in a good school, and do great and make people proud, but what i want is a different story, i want to be happy and work on my anger issues, and stuff. Me being happy is what i dont really know. I love allie and we fight but i love her other wise i would not go across the country and go through hell to keep her, so yeah im sure i love her. I really hope she can function in life to benifiet herself and not just work for others, i know what it means i dont know if she does, im learning with help that you are your only help over all, there are some assist but you are your only help because really your your own person, you are not someone else. So i hope we can both get what we want and hopefully its together. For me like i said i want to be happy and enjoy waking up and be able to get some sleep or something. And maybe have a car to get me around, so i dont have to ride the bus and i can pick people up and stuff, that way i wont have to worry about getting home after working i wont be restricted. I could drive to school and be there in 5 instead of taking an hour to get there with buses. I enjoy walking i have learned this because i just feel better after i do it, i have to motivate allie to do it with me, so she can be happy with herself. She often says she not happy with the way she looks, even though i think she is beutiful she has to live with herself so ill help her get where she wants to get.
I digress, i always want to say that but never have the context to do so. So i have this english class and im horrible with english, Man. Yeah. I really am, i cant think straight to understand what im reading half the time, because i cant pay attention unless it constantly grabbing my attention which only a couple book's i have read have done. GODAM IT, i should read joe's book sometime soon, i gotta print that shit out. Anyway im going to relax and watch family guy because its on, and im here yo know?
Peace nigga.
ITS OVER 9000~!
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