Post.

I am Jack's wondering Mind.

Without me, i would lack of.


My body is here, in the present, but my mind is flying, what do i want, i really really really do not know, there are so many idea's flying through my head, its almost unbearable. I Don't know where to start, if i could do anything right now, it would be????? I don't know its driving me crazy, i used to think i know, well i never knew i tried to make myself know. Really im lost, and floating, 18 year's old no line to follow. After high school i fell in, i convinced myself i wanted to go to college, with some help of people, school, and everything.

I am so lost right now i cant not type pages like i usually can, its actually begining to annoy me. GAHHHH RAGE.

I like accounting but i don't, a mechanic kinda sparks my interest i would love to learn about cars, they fascinate me, i need structure, and i want to get in shape, im also thinking about the service, but that would piss to many people off, i think i could do it, just a little forced effort, and i could do it, come out and do what i want assuming i live, if i do anything i would want the national gaurd, hopefully stay in the us, or mabybe not travel the world? I really dont know, im so lost Blog, i need answers, but i know im the only one who can do that, i let small thing's bother me and prevent me going through with things, but sometimes that's good, because some are bad idea's, so i really dont know what i want to do, at all, i relaly dont im searching soon i hope i will know, i want to be sure of something absouoltly sure, i cant even type right now, there is no reason or thing i will gain from bitching about being depressed, or tired, or how i hate people? Who will feel better no one because it never goes away, i have to cope, life is about coping, and accepting, its time for me to start, i hope to get my license soon, first goal, also figure out what im doing in life, i need to pass this semester and figure out what i want to do. gotta see what will conflict and stuff, you know. Ill figure it out, just letting my blog know, which i know Allie will read it and if she doesn't she cant get offended that i didn't trust her, now can she? because if you read it i was right, i hope im not right.

Goodbye computer, i will go do something else, peace.

Hey Guys.

Who knows what true happiness is?"Not the conventional word..."but the naked terror."To the lonley themselves, it wears a mask."The most miserable outcast hugs some memory or some illusion."

Joseph conrad

I shall start out with that, i am blogging because i feel like i have a billion words to say and no one is around to talk to. I think i am going to make this one fuck ton of words im about to type. I am about to explain myself to myself because i need too. And if you read this Allie you do. Im not going through anything to hide anything, i have been honest with you, but we wont get into hostile terms, just talking.

Will.

I am writing a book, i think that Joe will like reading it, i think i run out of idea's quickly, i am not creative or artistic, or imaginative anymore. I dont feel anything other then misery.

Anyway, on to the next fucked up though.

First off, my grammar is getting better, i am really enjoying my english class, even though i am not trying to put forth effort. I have not takan more then 2 hours of time for the 5 essay's i have written, and i have a B in the class. I am no good in english, so i am very very very happy with a B. other classes im not doing so well, i have been slacking in school, and over all slacking in life. Accounting i think i will get a b in the class, because its very very easy, i just need to put the little effort in,i have been putting none in. I put 20 minutes of studying in, and i got a b or c on the test. I think poorly of myself. I think i could do alot better, i think if i had a fire under my ass i could achieve in college, and do great things. But i dont think that will happen. no one is here to hold my hand and push me.

Anyway, im playing halo know, i jump from one thing to the other, so i can stay sane. i need change all the time, to keep my attention, i have no attention span. I dont know whati want in life, ill post more tomorrow. man

Night internets.