Tuesday, October 13, 2009
facegrinding.
Heavy eyes, a little tired, mad school work to do, blog it is. Im so confuddled in everything i do, i cant concentrate on one part of my life with out switching to another, i swear im bipolar. Prolly not just a little indecisive. I dont know i feel lost in every which way a person could. I miss the old days. anyway ill blog tomorrow cant see keyboard. To cloudy.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Post.
I am Jack's wondering Mind.
Without me, i would lack of.
My body is here, in the present, but my mind is flying, what do i want, i really really really do not know, there are so many idea's flying through my head, its almost unbearable. I Don't know where to start, if i could do anything right now, it would be????? I don't know its driving me crazy, i used to think i know, well i never knew i tried to make myself know. Really im lost, and floating, 18 year's old no line to follow. After high school i fell in, i convinced myself i wanted to go to college, with some help of people, school, and everything.
I am so lost right now i cant not type pages like i usually can, its actually begining to annoy me. GAHHHH RAGE.
I like accounting but i don't, a mechanic kinda sparks my interest i would love to learn about cars, they fascinate me, i need structure, and i want to get in shape, im also thinking about the service, but that would piss to many people off, i think i could do it, just a little forced effort, and i could do it, come out and do what i want assuming i live, if i do anything i would want the national gaurd, hopefully stay in the us, or mabybe not travel the world? I really dont know, im so lost Blog, i need answers, but i know im the only one who can do that, i let small thing's bother me and prevent me going through with things, but sometimes that's good, because some are bad idea's, so i really dont know what i want to do, at all, i relaly dont im searching soon i hope i will know, i want to be sure of something absouoltly sure, i cant even type right now, there is no reason or thing i will gain from bitching about being depressed, or tired, or how i hate people? Who will feel better no one because it never goes away, i have to cope, life is about coping, and accepting, its time for me to start, i hope to get my license soon, first goal, also figure out what im doing in life, i need to pass this semester and figure out what i want to do. gotta see what will conflict and stuff, you know. Ill figure it out, just letting my blog know, which i know Allie will read it and if she doesn't she cant get offended that i didn't trust her, now can she? because if you read it i was right, i hope im not right.
Goodbye computer, i will go do something else, peace.
Without me, i would lack of.
My body is here, in the present, but my mind is flying, what do i want, i really really really do not know, there are so many idea's flying through my head, its almost unbearable. I Don't know where to start, if i could do anything right now, it would be????? I don't know its driving me crazy, i used to think i know, well i never knew i tried to make myself know. Really im lost, and floating, 18 year's old no line to follow. After high school i fell in, i convinced myself i wanted to go to college, with some help of people, school, and everything.
I am so lost right now i cant not type pages like i usually can, its actually begining to annoy me. GAHHHH RAGE.
I like accounting but i don't, a mechanic kinda sparks my interest i would love to learn about cars, they fascinate me, i need structure, and i want to get in shape, im also thinking about the service, but that would piss to many people off, i think i could do it, just a little forced effort, and i could do it, come out and do what i want assuming i live, if i do anything i would want the national gaurd, hopefully stay in the us, or mabybe not travel the world? I really dont know, im so lost Blog, i need answers, but i know im the only one who can do that, i let small thing's bother me and prevent me going through with things, but sometimes that's good, because some are bad idea's, so i really dont know what i want to do, at all, i relaly dont im searching soon i hope i will know, i want to be sure of something absouoltly sure, i cant even type right now, there is no reason or thing i will gain from bitching about being depressed, or tired, or how i hate people? Who will feel better no one because it never goes away, i have to cope, life is about coping, and accepting, its time for me to start, i hope to get my license soon, first goal, also figure out what im doing in life, i need to pass this semester and figure out what i want to do. gotta see what will conflict and stuff, you know. Ill figure it out, just letting my blog know, which i know Allie will read it and if she doesn't she cant get offended that i didn't trust her, now can she? because if you read it i was right, i hope im not right.
Goodbye computer, i will go do something else, peace.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Hey Guys.
Who knows what true happiness is?"Not the conventional word..."but the naked terror."To the lonley themselves, it wears a mask."The most miserable outcast hugs some memory or some illusion."
Joseph conrad
I shall start out with that, i am blogging because i feel like i have a billion words to say and no one is around to talk to. I think i am going to make this one fuck ton of words im about to type. I am about to explain myself to myself because i need too. And if you read this Allie you do. Im not going through anything to hide anything, i have been honest with you, but we wont get into hostile terms, just talking.
Will.
I am writing a book, i think that Joe will like reading it, i think i run out of idea's quickly, i am not creative or artistic, or imaginative anymore. I dont feel anything other then misery.
Anyway, on to the next fucked up though.
First off, my grammar is getting better, i am really enjoying my english class, even though i am not trying to put forth effort. I have not takan more then 2 hours of time for the 5 essay's i have written, and i have a B in the class. I am no good in english, so i am very very very happy with a B. other classes im not doing so well, i have been slacking in school, and over all slacking in life. Accounting i think i will get a b in the class, because its very very easy, i just need to put the little effort in,i have been putting none in. I put 20 minutes of studying in, and i got a b or c on the test. I think poorly of myself. I think i could do alot better, i think if i had a fire under my ass i could achieve in college, and do great things. But i dont think that will happen. no one is here to hold my hand and push me.
Anyway, im playing halo know, i jump from one thing to the other, so i can stay sane. i need change all the time, to keep my attention, i have no attention span. I dont know whati want in life, ill post more tomorrow. man
Night internets.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Hey guys.
Hey,
Mr. Blog
Hiya, its me again, i decided to talk again, feeling kinda low, really going to explain why im so miserable. I dont understand life much anymore, i cant say im happy anymore, i cant pretend, i love but do not feel. I dont know what to do anymore. where to turn, i found someone that ic an talk to, but its wrong of me to talk to her, i guess. Allie doesnt like it, but i do it anyway because its cool. Its not like i want to leave allie for her or anything i dont have any kinda feelings for her, i just enjoy talking and listening to her, i dont understand it either, and i never will.
I feel alone, working at gas station eats at you, or its just me taking everything to the heart like i always do. Most likely the later. I feel like im alone all the time, at work school and home, and i feel my phone keeps my going, talk to allie, or joe, or my mom, or tim, just contact with the people i know, even though i dont know themwell. But still i love hearing from people no matter who it is, ill carry a conversation, Allie doesnt like i talk to nikki, a manager from wendys, who i talk to still. She's a cool person, had a tough life, i dont know anything about her, I delte my messages off my phone, because i dont want allie to see. Not because im hiding a secret, but the fact that allie doesnt like that i talk to her because. Nikki is fun to talk to, similiar in emotion, not really happy, but can hide it well. I know this about her, but thats about it it. well couple things, but really not much. my problem is, I dont talkto allie, i dont know how to be a boyfriend, i know how to be a friend, and thats what i was to allie, and we took it further, so i dont know what to do, i would die without allie, but i feel like im holding her world away from her. Her daughter. She misses her, but loves me, and says she doesnt want to raise her baby right now, but she has told me she always wanted to be a mom, and learn what she was deprived of. So i feel like i am robbing her, and taking her away from her kid.
Anyway i erase these messages of just talking like hey how are you, and i was talking to her how i feel alone and things, because i dont feel like i can talk to allie about everything, i guess we dont really know eachtoer as much as we thought we did. but what do we do? were so far in so far along its crazy, i feel like were married but worse, fighting loving and fighting some more. I dont know where to turn.
I talk in circles but thats how my mind processes things. in circles.
Allie just texted me Closing :), which means she will be home soon, i cant blog around her, its hard, i talk about things that well i dont care if she read but it might make her upset you know.
And i dont really want to cuddle i want tobe alone,because that fits the feeling now, and thats what she wants were really different if you think about it, She likes companionship alot, like to the max, and myself, i like aloneness too, but i enjoy companionship, just a little less. I dread tomorrow. i dont want to be a zombie anymore, i dont want to be alone, im scared of what has to come in life. I dont even know my major in college,i say accounting but i dont know what i want, i mean iw ouldent mind, but i cant like others find what clicks, even veternary medicine never clicked, i go with the flow, and live as time progresses. I like writing things, but i have notihng to write about, like i feel i could write well if i learned, but i have no teachers, and really not looking to learn right now, im sick of school, i want to find myelf before i make myself something for the rest of my life,i dont want to choose a profession, i want to find my self, but i dont think i have time. there is never enough time. Its now 12:18 and im typing, i have to go to work in 12 hours, which is cool i can play a game, and sleep and relax, but relaxing is never relaxing because no matter what i do, i get angry, oh if you dont know mr, blog, i get angry.
I got pretty drunk the other night, and a some drunk last night, it is not the escape and i will not continue to do to escape i would like to do it with friends but not all the time, i enjoy being careless, but i know and i will make sure of it, drinking does not help problems, it makes them worse. I found that i dont have a tolernace like i did before, i drank like 5 beers and felt it some, was in control, but buzzed almost drunk. the night before i got trashed. Drank alot, like drank this concoction of 5 types of lickers oj, and cranberry juice, played beer pong, i love beer pong, i love physics, i love how things work, how a ball bounces and lands in a cup, I feel an acomlishment of like wow, i did that when i get the ball in the cup. I love the physics of projectiles, how me aiming, just not really trying i do well, im good at beer pong sober, and ok when drunk.
So back to the work thing, i told boss to cut me back a little but it didint really work, he makes it worse most of the itme, because people quit or get fired, so im fucked i guess. if i dont get off next sunday which i requested two weeks ago, im calling off. Or quiting, dont care anymore, i dont like to feel like i need something, or someone. I dont know. i really dont.
I feel like a corpse just functioning like im suppose to work sleep school a little fun and repeat. There is no median of change. Its just constant of the same thing, i know there is so much more to life, but im in a rut already at 18, so young, but i feel so old,i feel like i have walked 10,000 miles, through everything, but i dont have the knowledge, i feel but i do not know, i love but i do not feel. I sleep but i do not rest. i live but i do not see.
Goodnight, allie will be home soon, and i feel like i cant blog other wise i woudl do this for days, jus type thoughts.
I dont want change, but i want things to be better, so i dont know how to fix my problems.
Thanks alot.
Will
Mr. Blog
Hiya, its me again, i decided to talk again, feeling kinda low, really going to explain why im so miserable. I dont understand life much anymore, i cant say im happy anymore, i cant pretend, i love but do not feel. I dont know what to do anymore. where to turn, i found someone that ic an talk to, but its wrong of me to talk to her, i guess. Allie doesnt like it, but i do it anyway because its cool. Its not like i want to leave allie for her or anything i dont have any kinda feelings for her, i just enjoy talking and listening to her, i dont understand it either, and i never will.
I feel alone, working at gas station eats at you, or its just me taking everything to the heart like i always do. Most likely the later. I feel like im alone all the time, at work school and home, and i feel my phone keeps my going, talk to allie, or joe, or my mom, or tim, just contact with the people i know, even though i dont know themwell. But still i love hearing from people no matter who it is, ill carry a conversation, Allie doesnt like i talk to nikki, a manager from wendys, who i talk to still. She's a cool person, had a tough life, i dont know anything about her, I delte my messages off my phone, because i dont want allie to see. Not because im hiding a secret, but the fact that allie doesnt like that i talk to her because. Nikki is fun to talk to, similiar in emotion, not really happy, but can hide it well. I know this about her, but thats about it it. well couple things, but really not much. my problem is, I dont talkto allie, i dont know how to be a boyfriend, i know how to be a friend, and thats what i was to allie, and we took it further, so i dont know what to do, i would die without allie, but i feel like im holding her world away from her. Her daughter. She misses her, but loves me, and says she doesnt want to raise her baby right now, but she has told me she always wanted to be a mom, and learn what she was deprived of. So i feel like i am robbing her, and taking her away from her kid.
Anyway i erase these messages of just talking like hey how are you, and i was talking to her how i feel alone and things, because i dont feel like i can talk to allie about everything, i guess we dont really know eachtoer as much as we thought we did. but what do we do? were so far in so far along its crazy, i feel like were married but worse, fighting loving and fighting some more. I dont know where to turn.
I talk in circles but thats how my mind processes things. in circles.
Allie just texted me Closing :), which means she will be home soon, i cant blog around her, its hard, i talk about things that well i dont care if she read but it might make her upset you know.
And i dont really want to cuddle i want tobe alone,because that fits the feeling now, and thats what she wants were really different if you think about it, She likes companionship alot, like to the max, and myself, i like aloneness too, but i enjoy companionship, just a little less. I dread tomorrow. i dont want to be a zombie anymore, i dont want to be alone, im scared of what has to come in life. I dont even know my major in college,i say accounting but i dont know what i want, i mean iw ouldent mind, but i cant like others find what clicks, even veternary medicine never clicked, i go with the flow, and live as time progresses. I like writing things, but i have notihng to write about, like i feel i could write well if i learned, but i have no teachers, and really not looking to learn right now, im sick of school, i want to find myelf before i make myself something for the rest of my life,i dont want to choose a profession, i want to find my self, but i dont think i have time. there is never enough time. Its now 12:18 and im typing, i have to go to work in 12 hours, which is cool i can play a game, and sleep and relax, but relaxing is never relaxing because no matter what i do, i get angry, oh if you dont know mr, blog, i get angry.
I got pretty drunk the other night, and a some drunk last night, it is not the escape and i will not continue to do to escape i would like to do it with friends but not all the time, i enjoy being careless, but i know and i will make sure of it, drinking does not help problems, it makes them worse. I found that i dont have a tolernace like i did before, i drank like 5 beers and felt it some, was in control, but buzzed almost drunk. the night before i got trashed. Drank alot, like drank this concoction of 5 types of lickers oj, and cranberry juice, played beer pong, i love beer pong, i love physics, i love how things work, how a ball bounces and lands in a cup, I feel an acomlishment of like wow, i did that when i get the ball in the cup. I love the physics of projectiles, how me aiming, just not really trying i do well, im good at beer pong sober, and ok when drunk.
So back to the work thing, i told boss to cut me back a little but it didint really work, he makes it worse most of the itme, because people quit or get fired, so im fucked i guess. if i dont get off next sunday which i requested two weeks ago, im calling off. Or quiting, dont care anymore, i dont like to feel like i need something, or someone. I dont know. i really dont.
I feel like a corpse just functioning like im suppose to work sleep school a little fun and repeat. There is no median of change. Its just constant of the same thing, i know there is so much more to life, but im in a rut already at 18, so young, but i feel so old,i feel like i have walked 10,000 miles, through everything, but i dont have the knowledge, i feel but i do not know, i love but i do not feel. I sleep but i do not rest. i live but i do not see.
Goodnight, allie will be home soon, and i feel like i cant blog other wise i woudl do this for days, jus type thoughts.
I dont want change, but i want things to be better, so i dont know how to fix my problems.
Thanks alot.
Will
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Alive.
Alive i suppose, kicking yeah.
I sit here on my couch i have some homework to due, i need to read a chapter by tomorrow, and another by Friday. don't know how much of that i will get done, i get by, I can bullshit, iv had 4 years of practice. Tired eyes kinda hurt. Have work in 90 minutes wait 89.
I will surely be late, of course. I think i will read some of that chapter soon, maybe after a song or two of guitar hero. Still dont know how to fix life, there is no fix i suppose, i have no fix, to broken, i need one of those out of order sign's so i wont have to bother people.
So I just read some accounting, i kinda skimmed it, but i will remember it when we go over it in class, its just basically recording sales like, i payed 800 dollars for an item, you record sales, and lost of inventory, then you record cost of goods sold, so you know how much you made, Accounting is alot of recording constantly, its boring but its not to bad. i wish i had the class online rather, i dont like going to school, not Ccac that is, there's no heart in it people there seem sad and misreable, im happy im learning, well that's the only class im learning, Well thats not true, i am learning in English Comp 101, my writing skills are getting tested. I like to write i wish i could write stories like other's i know and entertain, its a good feeling i bet, to have somone read your content and enjoy, it or learn from it.
I Have work now in 42 minutes, i think i might go in on time rather, and try to make myself better, i want to join a gym, somewhere and work out once a week just to get into better shape, i dont want huge muscle i want to be just have less body fat, dont we all i suppose.
I write in circle's all the time but i understand it, and that's all this is for is me. and of course whom ever wants to read which is only me, an i think allie has read it because she posted on joe's blog which i follow so im sure's she's found it, im not stupid i know how she's writes. Or maybe she is respecting my privacy, or whatever value you would like to call it, the internet net is never private, there is so many ways in. I like to think i know a good bit about computers, but i dont, i mean i know more then common person, but im no genious, i can help you do some stuff, but i really dont know all there is to knoww.
I wonder what Joe is doing, hes away, hes good to talk to keep's , me up, i think we do that for eachother, call eachother when needed for an ear, or someone to ramble at, and we both need eachother, well we dont need eachother, just that someone and Joe's that someone i don tknow how i am to him, but it doesnt matter. Friends are friends. Some friends are temprary, and they think they are you friends but your just putting up with their shit. Hopefully that friend im speaking of will get his head out of his and do something, rather then saying how he find this, or no one will help him. Starts with a Big T, <--that's him but plus two letters. I guess im not really being subliminal enough but I honeslty dont care.
I talk to my self alot, because thats how you get the best answer's, really and then, you can get the wrong answer's, Really. You can. You can tell your self to do the dumbest shit in the world, and most likely you will believe your self. If this was not the case the world would be a better place, if we would listen to some things that we tell our self. Self esteem has alot to play in that, and i dont want to get in that.
We can all relate somehow no matter what it is, may it be we all hate work, or we all are just unhappy with our point in life, or maybe we dont know what we want, but we can do it together right?
I dont like people as a whole, but there are many out there who believe in good, and have morals. then you have some who have none, either raised that way, or adapted to whoever they are. You dont learn everything from your parents a person is a product of everyone around them. Everyone takes part in raising a person, because you are exposed to such in influx of shit, it creats the fucked up thing we call human. the world, the weather, it changes people, it changes them for good, not just for a while. Every little choice in life, changes things, Regretting should nto exist, because it is already done, regrett is just a type of pondering that is unneeded, i mean ok, so say i make a choice to do something. it's done, yes you can change it, but saying fuck i shouldent of done that and shoot your self in the foot, just does you wrong. live life without regret. Then you can live i think.
"Its only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. "
If you have nothing to lose you can do anything right? I kind of agree, you are free do whatever you want anytime, any place anywhere but there are consequences that wiegh in, on any choice. You have to choose no one else.
The blue or the Red? Y/N?
Which one do you choose? I choose the REd one GO!
I want to live, but i dont know how, i have been in a house all my life going to school, playing petty games in the yard with friends, then you get to be an adult. Then your working all your life.
I had a recent Conversation and a problem with my other half a bit ago.
We both want kids, but the thing is when. I dont want kidns until im alteast 25 or older, and she wants the same age, but guess what she is 4 years older, so her 25 is my 21, and that is just going to happen. Maybe we can come to an agreement. I think children are the middle of your life thing, and if you expect to die at 50 you wont live a great life, you have to not think of when, just think of now, she wants to be a mother, she needs to explore before she can take care of another life, I will do that for her. I will help.
I will make sure she see's the world, we can do it together, anyone can come, but i will see the world. I honestly dont care who reads this because if they read it maybe they will understand or maybe they will be like that kid is wacky and dreams to much. Honeslty I do not give a fuck of what anyone thinks. You can read anything you want, you can speak, say see, do whatever.
Fuck if i care right?
So many words to type and not enough time in life to do it. I can type for hours, and and hours about nothing. And get a few points across int he process.
School agian Go!
I want to go to college, well i am in coolege, or baby college i like to call it. I registered for summer classes, but i dont know if i want to take them I am in no rush to get school done, i have my whole lief to do so, why am i going to rush to get to that 9-5 job and be stuck, i want to explore and go to school but i am in no hurry i think i will constantly take school for a couple years, Its an experiance to learn from. Socially, and otherwise.
I do not want to go to work.
All work and some play, makes me a dull boy, well no play really.
I will play a game of halo and bid the internet of my laptop bye for a while..
Cheers Internet.
http://www.evilmilk.com/pictures/Ima_Abee.htm
WIll
I sit here on my couch i have some homework to due, i need to read a chapter by tomorrow, and another by Friday. don't know how much of that i will get done, i get by, I can bullshit, iv had 4 years of practice. Tired eyes kinda hurt. Have work in 90 minutes wait 89.
I will surely be late, of course. I think i will read some of that chapter soon, maybe after a song or two of guitar hero. Still dont know how to fix life, there is no fix i suppose, i have no fix, to broken, i need one of those out of order sign's so i wont have to bother people.
So I just read some accounting, i kinda skimmed it, but i will remember it when we go over it in class, its just basically recording sales like, i payed 800 dollars for an item, you record sales, and lost of inventory, then you record cost of goods sold, so you know how much you made, Accounting is alot of recording constantly, its boring but its not to bad. i wish i had the class online rather, i dont like going to school, not Ccac that is, there's no heart in it people there seem sad and misreable, im happy im learning, well that's the only class im learning, Well thats not true, i am learning in English Comp 101, my writing skills are getting tested. I like to write i wish i could write stories like other's i know and entertain, its a good feeling i bet, to have somone read your content and enjoy, it or learn from it.
I Have work now in 42 minutes, i think i might go in on time rather, and try to make myself better, i want to join a gym, somewhere and work out once a week just to get into better shape, i dont want huge muscle i want to be just have less body fat, dont we all i suppose.
I write in circle's all the time but i understand it, and that's all this is for is me. and of course whom ever wants to read which is only me, an i think allie has read it because she posted on joe's blog which i follow so im sure's she's found it, im not stupid i know how she's writes. Or maybe she is respecting my privacy, or whatever value you would like to call it, the internet net is never private, there is so many ways in. I like to think i know a good bit about computers, but i dont, i mean i know more then common person, but im no genious, i can help you do some stuff, but i really dont know all there is to knoww.
I wonder what Joe is doing, hes away, hes good to talk to keep's , me up, i think we do that for eachother, call eachother when needed for an ear, or someone to ramble at, and we both need eachother, well we dont need eachother, just that someone and Joe's that someone i don tknow how i am to him, but it doesnt matter. Friends are friends. Some friends are temprary, and they think they are you friends but your just putting up with their shit. Hopefully that friend im speaking of will get his head out of his and do something, rather then saying how he find this, or no one will help him. Starts with a Big T, <--that's him but plus two letters. I guess im not really being subliminal enough but I honeslty dont care.
I talk to my self alot, because thats how you get the best answer's, really and then, you can get the wrong answer's, Really. You can. You can tell your self to do the dumbest shit in the world, and most likely you will believe your self. If this was not the case the world would be a better place, if we would listen to some things that we tell our self. Self esteem has alot to play in that, and i dont want to get in that.
We can all relate somehow no matter what it is, may it be we all hate work, or we all are just unhappy with our point in life, or maybe we dont know what we want, but we can do it together right?
I dont like people as a whole, but there are many out there who believe in good, and have morals. then you have some who have none, either raised that way, or adapted to whoever they are. You dont learn everything from your parents a person is a product of everyone around them. Everyone takes part in raising a person, because you are exposed to such in influx of shit, it creats the fucked up thing we call human. the world, the weather, it changes people, it changes them for good, not just for a while. Every little choice in life, changes things, Regretting should nto exist, because it is already done, regrett is just a type of pondering that is unneeded, i mean ok, so say i make a choice to do something. it's done, yes you can change it, but saying fuck i shouldent of done that and shoot your self in the foot, just does you wrong. live life without regret. Then you can live i think.
"Its only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. "
If you have nothing to lose you can do anything right? I kind of agree, you are free do whatever you want anytime, any place anywhere but there are consequences that wiegh in, on any choice. You have to choose no one else.
The blue or the Red? Y/N?
Which one do you choose? I choose the REd one GO!
I want to live, but i dont know how, i have been in a house all my life going to school, playing petty games in the yard with friends, then you get to be an adult. Then your working all your life.
I had a recent Conversation and a problem with my other half a bit ago.
We both want kids, but the thing is when. I dont want kidns until im alteast 25 or older, and she wants the same age, but guess what she is 4 years older, so her 25 is my 21, and that is just going to happen. Maybe we can come to an agreement. I think children are the middle of your life thing, and if you expect to die at 50 you wont live a great life, you have to not think of when, just think of now, she wants to be a mother, she needs to explore before she can take care of another life, I will do that for her. I will help.
I will make sure she see's the world, we can do it together, anyone can come, but i will see the world. I honestly dont care who reads this because if they read it maybe they will understand or maybe they will be like that kid is wacky and dreams to much. Honeslty I do not give a fuck of what anyone thinks. You can read anything you want, you can speak, say see, do whatever.
Fuck if i care right?
So many words to type and not enough time in life to do it. I can type for hours, and and hours about nothing. And get a few points across int he process.
School agian Go!
I want to go to college, well i am in coolege, or baby college i like to call it. I registered for summer classes, but i dont know if i want to take them I am in no rush to get school done, i have my whole lief to do so, why am i going to rush to get to that 9-5 job and be stuck, i want to explore and go to school but i am in no hurry i think i will constantly take school for a couple years, Its an experiance to learn from. Socially, and otherwise.
I do not want to go to work.
All work and some play, makes me a dull boy, well no play really.
I will play a game of halo and bid the internet of my laptop bye for a while..
Cheers Internet.
http://www.evilmilk.com/pictures/Ima_Abee.htm
WIll
Angry.
I am seeping back into angry again i think i need to blog, i have no relief, nor does my other half, we both neck at neck with each other even with our little to no time off. We are alone, one in one room one in the other. Sad, broken, lost not knowing where to turn. We are both broken in so many pieces of pieces. No where to turn, every way leads to exhaustion what do we do oh mighty one?
How am i to fix an equal to myself? A workoholic, an angry soul, murky eyes filled with hate what do i do? What do they do? Who knows we will find a soulution we always do. Were perfect, so perfect its wrong. Or so wrong its perfect, i have yet to know and if you ever read this, dont take it wrong. We feel the same way about many things, then we feel not so much about the same things. We are human, we do that, as a whole, we dont agree right? It's like a mirror huh? You see how it feels dont you? I sat alone saying no to all the offer's to do things, it is no my fault you have nothing to go to, or no one, because anyone who has an interest in you likes you and wants in your pants. So I cant control the way life works, and im not playing the games anymore. I do it too, but im done. Just because i miss you once or miss a call, dont get upset. Shit happens, i cant control it. honestly if you think i was avoiding you why would i go out of my way to see you, or call you back? Ill never understand half the things you do, but i still love them. Just somtimes
I agree, and follow the steps you lay, but they always backfire.
I dont feel like i need to exist anymore, i bring misery upon who i seek to be around, Sorry world, the princess is always in another castle i know, i can neverw in, no matter how much good i do or try, its impossible, me going anywhere sorry i dont invite you, sorry im horrible, i dont have a choice somtimes, work gets in the way, its horrible i know. Saturday no work, fyck, sunday wait yeah sunday day we do something maybe ill ask joe what to do, he might know how to just do something fun with my other half, Sorry world again really. Your my glue you really are, i mean that other wise id be in peices somewhere in some college dorm broken and beaten of shame. I dont like my life, im tired of working for the goal of more work in the future. I do want to live and experiance things, i want to out and learn and see things, but you can be there too, leaving you behind is not an option i have to pick you up somehow, i dont have on e of those quicker picker fuck uper's right now, im out of emotional points to buy one. I wish i could gain some really. tick tocki hear you going to the bathroom ^_^. You drive me insane, with love and then im agrravated, im bipolar, adhd, and most likely going to be retarted soon, anger kills brain cells i think. The stress i put my body threw is going to kill me, No its not working 20 hours a day, its working 14, and the emotional shit that comes along with it, balencing b's in college because i dont have the emph to put forth, because i have no motivation, i have no goal that i see, i want to fall and explore.
I want yout o go with me We 22, and 18 year's old thats young as shit, your my bonnie, i never wanted to use that but you are. WE have to live, and make it for our own, i want that job, that 9-5 or alteast a set schedule the summer will bring us up alot, we can survive through shit like rubber, withstanding and enduring we already have.
I wanna go and jump of the cathedral and be free, i dont want recognition, i dont want glory, i want my own possesions are tempory pride, earning an item, but its not nearly enough to satisfy me, Im greedy, ready to take in what i can get, i want to breath many breaths, and see many lands, i want to do, and see.
So do you, your destrot from your life, and so am i. I dont get it, i never will i will neve rundrastnad that bond between a woman and her offspring, maybe when im a fater, but not until im atleast 30 or atleast 28 sorry, im living first. I hope that doesnt bother you, but once we get your schedule set and mine, were going, i will push you hard, and you will fall with me well jump together, i would die for you with you, just to be free. Im not afriad see? You just have to see. You will. Thanks.
I want you to read this but i dont, because i want to do it before you read it, i want to show you im true, i am that person who can still carry you on my shoulder's.
eh sleep time.,
How am i to fix an equal to myself? A workoholic, an angry soul, murky eyes filled with hate what do i do? What do they do? Who knows we will find a soulution we always do. Were perfect, so perfect its wrong. Or so wrong its perfect, i have yet to know and if you ever read this, dont take it wrong. We feel the same way about many things, then we feel not so much about the same things. We are human, we do that, as a whole, we dont agree right? It's like a mirror huh? You see how it feels dont you? I sat alone saying no to all the offer's to do things, it is no my fault you have nothing to go to, or no one, because anyone who has an interest in you likes you and wants in your pants. So I cant control the way life works, and im not playing the games anymore. I do it too, but im done. Just because i miss you once or miss a call, dont get upset. Shit happens, i cant control it. honestly if you think i was avoiding you why would i go out of my way to see you, or call you back? Ill never understand half the things you do, but i still love them. Just somtimes
I agree, and follow the steps you lay, but they always backfire.
I dont feel like i need to exist anymore, i bring misery upon who i seek to be around, Sorry world, the princess is always in another castle i know, i can neverw in, no matter how much good i do or try, its impossible, me going anywhere sorry i dont invite you, sorry im horrible, i dont have a choice somtimes, work gets in the way, its horrible i know. Saturday no work, fyck, sunday wait yeah sunday day we do something maybe ill ask joe what to do, he might know how to just do something fun with my other half, Sorry world again really. Your my glue you really are, i mean that other wise id be in peices somewhere in some college dorm broken and beaten of shame. I dont like my life, im tired of working for the goal of more work in the future. I do want to live and experiance things, i want to out and learn and see things, but you can be there too, leaving you behind is not an option i have to pick you up somehow, i dont have on e of those quicker picker fuck uper's right now, im out of emotional points to buy one. I wish i could gain some really. tick tocki hear you going to the bathroom ^_^. You drive me insane, with love and then im agrravated, im bipolar, adhd, and most likely going to be retarted soon, anger kills brain cells i think. The stress i put my body threw is going to kill me, No its not working 20 hours a day, its working 14, and the emotional shit that comes along with it, balencing b's in college because i dont have the emph to put forth, because i have no motivation, i have no goal that i see, i want to fall and explore.
I want yout o go with me We 22, and 18 year's old thats young as shit, your my bonnie, i never wanted to use that but you are. WE have to live, and make it for our own, i want that job, that 9-5 or alteast a set schedule the summer will bring us up alot, we can survive through shit like rubber, withstanding and enduring we already have.
I wanna go and jump of the cathedral and be free, i dont want recognition, i dont want glory, i want my own possesions are tempory pride, earning an item, but its not nearly enough to satisfy me, Im greedy, ready to take in what i can get, i want to breath many breaths, and see many lands, i want to do, and see.
So do you, your destrot from your life, and so am i. I dont get it, i never will i will neve rundrastnad that bond between a woman and her offspring, maybe when im a fater, but not until im atleast 30 or atleast 28 sorry, im living first. I hope that doesnt bother you, but once we get your schedule set and mine, were going, i will push you hard, and you will fall with me well jump together, i would die for you with you, just to be free. Im not afriad see? You just have to see. You will. Thanks.
I want you to read this but i dont, because i want to do it before you read it, i want to show you im true, i am that person who can still carry you on my shoulder's.
eh sleep time.,
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
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